And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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