right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I need water and some morals
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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