I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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