his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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