Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I want to walk on stilts...naked
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
farters have to be the big spoon...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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