So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
