Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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