i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
