I want to have your abortion
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
