My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
im holly from the hills drunk
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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