so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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