hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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