She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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