I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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