Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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