Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
