We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
