i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
