i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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