She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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