If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
