We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
