i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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