Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
