aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
