Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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