rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
