I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
