My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
