I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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