you guys were way drunker than both of me
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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