I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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