Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
