So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
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He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
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So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize