when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
