It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
