Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
