Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize