I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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