Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
We're like a lot better than the average bears
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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