Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize