No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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