I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
