I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
