i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
