Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
