Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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