I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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