my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
jump out the window naked night went bad
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
