I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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