wanna go halves on a baby?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
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