Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I can't turn off my feet"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
