I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
