Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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