I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
