OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
