His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I smell stomach acid.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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