you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
