Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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