Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
