Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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