So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
