I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
